In observance of an inclusive Christmas, the leadership of Witty And Vibrant Industries Inc. urges all staff to consider changing their rituals this holiday season to embrace the following modified Christmas songs and carols, which have been updated to reflect inclusive language and the diversity of political sensitivities in today’s modern workforce:
- Have Yourself a Merry Little Neo-Pagan Holiday Wrapped in a Patriarchal Veneer.
- I Saw Mommy Engaging in Ritualistic Hetero-Normative Behaviour with Santa Claus.
- Oh Come, All Ye Faithful: We’re Going to the Legislature to Protest Against Systemic Inequality.
- Feliz Navidad: Donald Trump Deported Us. Happy Now?
- White Christmas, Oppressive Christmas.
- God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Unless You’d Like to More Equitably Distribute Household Labour, in Which Case Get off your Asses.
- Do You Hear What I Hear? It’s the Revolution Coming for Your Oppressive, Eurocentric Worldview.
- We Three Kings of Orient Are Patriarchs, and for that we are So, So Very Sorry.
- Mary’s Boy Child, Apparently Already Assigned a Binary Gender Role and Only Three Hours Old.
– The Management