Kathleen Wynne Combusts in Delight at News of Doug Ford Leadership Bid

Headshot of Kathleen Wynne comically combined with a cartoon of flames

Firefighters rushed to the home of Ontario Liberal leader Kathleen Wynne today to extinguish a two-alarm blaze, when Premier Wynne literally burst into flames of delight at the news of Doug Ford’s Conservative Party leadership bid.

Doug Ford, brother of the late, great, crack-smoking mayoral train wreck known as Rob Ford, announced his bid for the leadership of the Ontario Tories to “to prevent the party from falling into the hands of ‘insiders’ and ‘elites’.”

Ms. Wynne was heard shouting “I can’t even…! It’s just too much! I… I… Oh my God!” before spontaneously combusting in a paroxysm of orgasmic political joy, at the prospect of running against the less well-known brother of a man made famous for saying – about allegations of inappropriate comments concerning oral sex – “I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.”

Mr. Ford was unavailable for comment, as he was busy planning his campaign from his mother’s basement, following in the footsteps of other great basement politicians such as Wayne Campbell.

Ms. Wynne received second-degree burns to 20% of her body and was last heard muttering “Thank you Jesus” as paramedics wheeled her away to St. Michael’s hospital’s primary trauma care unit. Ms. Wynne is expected to make a full recovery in time to dance on the smoking remains of Mr. Ford’s political career in June of this year.

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